Feb 15, 2011 | Faith
The phrase ‘delicate power’ might as well be an oxymoron. Humanity only knows of a certain kind of power; one that is closely associated with force, one that accomplishes a specific function and has the ability to override the hindering factors. The threatening nature of power is what makes it, well, powerful, and this model is what we generally follow when we try to create circumstances that would garner power to ourselves against others.
Yet, when we look at nature, we find another model of power that is complete, harmonious, and considerate. Nature models a type of power that can co-exist with delicate things and delicate beings, and this is what convinces me that God is such a brilliant, ingenious, out-of-this-world, mind-blowing engineer.
If you have any bit of interest in the marine life, you know that the moon practically governs this underwater universe that covers more than 70% of the surface of the earth. Its cycle directly influences the tidal forces of seas and oceans, dictating the rhythm of life of billions and trillions of living creatures. When you and I go to sleep at night, these creatures wake up and with the currents in the depths of the water, travel upward to search for food, mate, and live, and a whole bio-dynamics take place in pitch darkness. Many of these night creatures are the transparent ones, oddly shaped, electrified, and bioluminescent; they’re very delicate creatures.
At night, life is busy underwater, the forces at work are strong, yet you and I don’t feel anything or know anything about it. Most days I look at the moon and think, “Oh, that’s nice.” I think of it no more than an accessory for the homogenously dark sky, and everyday it appears in a slightly different shape. Couples stare at full moons or stroll underneath its light, thinking of it as no more than a prop to enhance romantic moods. But this seemingly harmless, innocuous circle in the sky IS the ‘light that rules the night.’
Think of gravity and how it works. This force that keeps us from getting dispersed into space, is so delicate that it took mankind a while to ‘discover’ it. I mean, it’s always been there. Yet it’s so subtly intervolved with our moment by moment experience that most times we don’t even think about it. Yes, we see its evidence, that when we jump we always come back down. But we don’t find ourselves struggling to pick our foot up like it’s being glued to the ground. Nor do we get zapped back to the surface of the earth when we jump like what happens to opposing magnetic poles. Our vertical movements are, on a day to day basis, free.
But this same force governs celestial bodies and their movements. It keeps the earth in its orbit, and it keeps the moon around too. Powerful, but very delicate.
And then you read, “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.” Rom 1:20. The parallel is marvelous…
Nov 26, 2010 | Life Reflections
A few days ago I turned 25. And, guess what? I was thrilled and excited about it. I had been looking forward to being 25 for a while, and if you’ve known me or read my previous post, being happy about a birthday is a big deal for me. I’ve come a long way from being that girl who would get birthday depression every year to someone who actually enjoys growing up.
This year (and by that I mean this school year) has been a very special one. Basically my experience, personally, academically, socially, is very different compared to the first two years in grad school. The most major change that happened is the campus ministry growth at Princeton. It’s like God just turned it over completely overnight, answering every prayer that was offered in the past two years. In short, everything that I ever wanted for Princeton campus ministry is here, and even much more than what I had imagined or wished for.
This fact alone transforms my daily experience at school, since everything just seems much more bearable. It doesn’t matter if something is wrong/not going well with research; I don’t get stressed out anymore. Things that used to make me worried don’t have the same effect anymore, but even the research experience itself is different now.
Like icing on the cake, I feel like I have been growing academically as well. I’m more comfortable with the type of work in my lab, I know more tools to approach problems, and I don’t get overwhelmed anymore if I don’t know how to do something. Instead, I’m excited to learn and tackle the issue. My interest in the research project is growing and there are more questions that I want to investigate for the next year or so. I’m personally more invested and I feel more ownership of the project.
I had the chance to present the work at an academic conference a few weeks ago, and whereas something like that would make me nervous last year, this year I was looking forward to it. I was interested in how people would receive it, and I kind of wanted to know how people would criticize it and help me think about other aspects of the problem that I had not seen. The presentation was well received, but I didn’t get any significant questions, which was slightly disappointing. The whole experience was really great though.
Good quality hanging out is available at regular basis these days, so what more could a girl ask for. I’m now about half way into grad school, and I’m starting to think about what I want to do and how I’d like to be in the future. More questions emerge, mostly circa the life thesis question of how to become exactly the woman that God wants me to be. It’s an interesting process and I look forward to how God would answer them. Like the song says, “If I never had a problem, I wouldn’t know that He could solve them; I wouldn’t know what faith in His Word could do.”
So basically, God has poured out a gigaton of blessings on me. I feel like I own this 25 year old thing – it almost feels like being on top of the world and still climbing up. And this next year is going to be fantastic!
These are some people who helped me celebrate, who also bring so much joy to my days! And for Thanksgiving, I will always be thankful that my birthday falls around Thanksgiving time for the rest of my life. =) Happy holidays, everyone!
Jan 26, 2010 | Life Reflections
There with every slide, I see God’s grace written all over it. It was God all along who had helped me.
Sustained by God Himself and by the prayers of the saints, on Wednesday, January 20, 2010 I passed my program’s qualifying exam. I have to write about it, mostly for my own sake, because God did something marvelous.
The day before, my colleague and I had to give an extended version of the presentation to faculty members from another department. The presentation was a success and everyone was very pleased with it. It was a good practice and I actually felt confident about my exam. The work had been done and I pretty much knew the topic well. What made me a little worried was actually how not worried I was, and whether I was being presumptuous or not.
So the day came. I was looking forward to this day because it would be a closure for an episode in my life that I was ready to close. Half an hour before my defense, I went into the exam room to set up and pray. I sat down and flipped through the slides to make sure everything looks okay, and at that very moment, I was flooded with a sense of amazement and wonder. There with every slide displayed on the screen, I could see God’s grace that had been sustaining me this past year both to do the work that went behind every slide, as well as granting the strength to create the slides themselves. The presentation was made under strenuous circumstances, involving much drama (that I will not get into). It was God’s grace that helped me survive a rough summer last year when I struggled through a time of mourning and healing, felt inadequate to do research, and was discontented about life in general. He brought me into the society of brilliant and able people whom I could work with so that much was accomplished in spite of me.
It was God’s grace that got me through a very challenging fall semester, with many sleepless nights, high academic pressure, and even spiritual struggle toward the end. It was God’s grace that saved me at GYC from my old life and resurrected me once again into a new life, ready to start afresh with the new year. And now I had come to this point knowing that the only reason I could stand and present this work, is God. Presumption was not possible, for I knew how reliant I was on Christ. I knew that He will help me with this exam; there was no doubt about it in my mind. There was not a tittle of nervousness. But instead, there was joy. My committee may listen to my presentation as an academic requirement, but in my heart it was my declaration of God’s goodness. This presentation was my act of worship; this was my testimony. And so I knelt again and asked one thing for my audience. If there was anything that they would see in me, I’d want them to see that I had been with Jesus and Jesus had been with me.
The exam went extremely well. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything go that well before. God gave me clarity of thought and insights to answer their questions; questions that I’m surprised I could answer even as I reflect on them now. It lasted for one and an half hour, and they told me I passed with flying colors. My advisor was very happy, saying that it was what he’d like to see in all of his students. I came back to the room and knelt down again to praise God for His divine presence and for such a miraculous experience. Needless to say I was beaming for the rest of the week, and of course I could not contain my joy when people asked how my exam went. I could not prevent myself from saying it was all God’s doing.
So this is my testimony, a memorial that I raise up to remind myself that God is indeed faithful. This experience is just the beginning, and I look forward to the rest of my years in Princeton.
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